Belonging to each other

Kalle and I were going to get married.

That was clear from the word go.  Only after our first phone conversation, lasting almost 5 hours , I thought to myself - you're in so deep now girl. This is THE man. This really is it.

He proposed  for the first time to me so soon I don't even remember.

We wanted to give my children time to get to peacefully know him. So after some half a year I told them this was the man I was going to marry some day. BUT  I told them this was up to their schedule entirely. Kalle and I had decades of time, no rush.

Little did I know.

But in any case, it was decided I would only marry him or we would move in with him when the boys felt completely comfortable with him.

I asked them to take their time and think about it, ask any questions that should come to their minds.

First my oldest, Joel, said he wanted to have a private talk with me. He said he felt it was the right thing for us to marry Kalle as he loved us all so much and he was so incredibly kind always - but under one condition - I'd keep the same last name as the boys. I promised him.

Then my little one wanted to have a conversation. He wanted us to live with Kalle first, then the marriage after. I respected his wish - and felt it was very wise for his age. After the boys' blessings, Kalle bought us a home to live in together.

Then my Luca said a thing that resonated so deeply with my heart. 

'Maman, we really should marry Kalle. Nobody has ever loved us as much as he does.'

I love that he used the word 'we' should marry him <3.

After a couple of days, my older, Joel, had clearly thought about it. He put his arms around me and said 'You know Maman, I think nobody in this world is able to love as much as Kalle does.' 

I didn't have the time to tell Kalle these words. He would so have loved to know this. 

Faith didn't give us the time.

So at his funeral, I told these messages of the children to his coffin.

In the end  it doesn't matter all that much whether he got the 'blessings' of my children before or after his death. I think he knows. 

Whatever it is, we belonged to each other.

At least that one thing nobody can take away from me.