Maman are you being bullied?
Today my son looked at me straight in the eye and asked:
'Maman are you being bullied?'
This question almost knocked me off my feet. It is one for a parent to pose on a child. Not vice versa.
I could never have estimated my son had understood and suffered, in addition to everything else, from this. He really had enough on his plate already - we all have.
A person sometimes falls into a pattern where it's easy to spot who is vulnerable and doesn't have the don't mess with me -vibe about them. Especially if the destroying of one's self worth has started early on in childhood. There are people, like sharks, who smell blood.
I've been told by several people, over decades, that if they should pick one person out of a crowd to harass, they would go after me. All these people have been friends, saying this out of love and kindness, encouraging me to acknowledge and DO SOMETHING about this.
Because of my own past, I have always been extra concerned about any emotional or physical bullying regarding my children. Unfortunately, I've apparently passed this sensitivity on to them.
I hadn't mentioned a word about any of this at home, yet here was my son looking at me with such deep sadness and helplessness in his eyes. He'd even realized who these people are. 'X, isn't it? XX also? XXX too? He knows them - had even trusted some of them. This was too much. He could no longer fight off his tears.
I hadn't mentioned a word about any of this at home, yet here was my son looking at me with such deep sadness and helplessness in his eyes. He'd even realized who these people are. 'X, isn't it? XX also? XXX too? He knows them - had even trusted some of them. This was too much. He could no longer fight off his tears.
He asked for honesty. 'Maman, is this only you, or are they mean about Kalle too? I choked, not one word came out. I don't lie to my children but now I did my damnest to at least save him from this cruelest of blows. He loved Kalle too much to know this, Kalle had surrounded us with a warm blanket of love so deep, we were family. Nothing helped, he understood. I watched his heart break right there in front of me.
I will never have anything to do with people who disrespect Kalle.
He deserves to rest in peace. Period.
He is no longer here to stand up for himself but me and my boys will forever defend him. Even my little son already had to do so.
He deserves to rest in peace. Period.
He is no longer here to stand up for himself but me and my boys will forever defend him. Even my little son already had to do so.
I will survive. A mother has no choice. But my child. Wasn't he already hurting enough???? Really, this too?
An additional ps. Just as I was thinking about all this, and whether to publish it, a person sitting next to me started a conversation with me - offering an observation that I had an aura of somebody who had really been hurt.
I've written this before, but it's time to repeat it. I asked my Kalle why, after 10 years alone, did he take such an interest in me when we first accidentally met.
He answered 'You were the saddest looking woman I'd ever seen'.
Poignant, no?
I've written this before, but it's time to repeat it. I asked my Kalle why, after 10 years alone, did he take such an interest in me when we first accidentally met.
He answered 'You were the saddest looking woman I'd ever seen'.
Poignant, no?